That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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