I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
