i just google imaged poop.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
