So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
