I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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