So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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