Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Randomize
