one might say we're banned from that church
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
