I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
