Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
