I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
