filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I would ride that face into the sunset
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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