I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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