who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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