you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
