fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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