I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
