K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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