Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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