mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
