He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
