I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
