a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
