I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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