Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
