i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
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