someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
