Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How does one acquire holy water?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
