I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
