Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
