Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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