well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
