so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
