Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
