Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
