I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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