I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
