Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
