She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
