The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
