so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
