Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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