No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
