The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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