I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
