Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
