Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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