i need an iv and a liver transplant
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
