i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
