Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
