So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
