we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
