i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It was confusing and full of hummus
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
