is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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