If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
