Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
