I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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